The T-shirt Heard Round the World

(presumably the next morning)

STUDENT ONE: [out of breath] H-hey, have you heard the news? Some dude at NYU made a T-shirt with Osama bin Laden's face on it, and he's selling it ... for profit.

STUDENT TWO: But, but—He can't do that! This is a very serious matter! 

STUDENT ONE: Right. I know. But unfortunately, it gets worse: I heard that upon hearing of bin Laden's death, his first thought was, "How can I make money off this?"

STUDENT TWO: That's downright appalling ... Oh, God. I feel sick. [vomits]

STUDENT ONE: [on one knee, holding a newspaper] Friend, there's no need to feel ill, for I've found a very brave man who is clearly a hero of the people. His name is Andrew DiMola. Look! 

STUDENT TWO: Wow, I already feel much better knowing a man like him exists. Such bravery on the record. In a student newspaper, no less.

STUDENT ONE: Yes, how great it is that he exists.