Say Goodbye to Crunches Forever

(one week before my thirteenth birthday)

DAD: Hey, buddy, your big day is coming up fast! You know what you want yet?

ANDREW: Actually, yeah.

(one week after my thirteenth birthday)

DAD: Looking good! So, how many crunches have you done so far? 

ANDREW: They're not crunches, Dad, they're advanced jackknives. And, just so you know, they were scientifically designed. At a college.

DAD: Oh ... okay. So, how many advanced jackknives have you done so far? 

ANDREW: Well, uh, none. I'm gonna start tomorrow.

DAD: ...

ANDREW: ...

AB LOUNGE: ...

("tomorrow")

DAD: Have you started yet?

ANDREW: No, but I'm gonna start soon.

("soon")

ANDREW: ...

AB LOUNGE: ...

ANDREW: ... I'll just go on a diet instead.