Christmas Carols for Conspiracy Theorists

The Earth Is Not Round

[Sung to the Tune of “Silent Night”]

Silent Night
Holy Night
The Earth is flat
Not round, not quite
Round yon virgin
Mother and child
Believe me; the Cold War was falsely compiled
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

Barack Obama Is a Clone of the Pharaoh Akhenaten

[Sung to the Tune of “Little Drummer Boy”]

A clone they told me
Pa rum pum pum pum
From a pharaoh, you see
Pa rum pum pum pum

Our finest gifts we bring
Pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before Barry
Pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum

John Lennon's True Killer

[Sung to the Tune of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”]

Hark the herald angels sing
"John Lennon was killed by Stephen King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
Mark David Chapman reconciled"

Joyful, all ye nations rise
It was Stephen in disguise
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Nixon and Reagan, yet again”

Hark! The herald angels sing
"John Lennon was killed by Stephen King!"