On Monday, Chief Happiness Officer Ronald McDonald thanked what could only be described as a laundry list of public officials and residents of McDonaldland involved in passing the Mayor McCheese National Hamburger Defense Act (NHDA) at a signing ceremony near the Great Filet-O-Fish Lake. Though, there was one major name left off of the list: the hamburger for whom the bill is named.
"We would not be here for today's signing ceremony without the dedicated efforts without the dedicated officials of McDonaldland who worked so hard to pass the National Hamburger Defense Act," McDonald said, thanking by name notable residents and officials such as Birdie the Early Bird and Officer Big Mac and – to much dismay – the Hamburglar.
Mr. McDonald, who is not a hamburger and has no experience being served on a grill, had previously attacked Mayor McCheese, calling the cheese-laden beef patty “barely a hamburger” at a press conference earlier last year, where he said, “Look. I don’t say this to be mean, but the mayor is barely a hamburger. He’s certainly not a McDouble. A real McDouble has two patties. The mayor is only a McCheese because one of his beef patties was captured."
Mr. McCheese, meanwhile, issued a statement on the bill.
“I’m very proud that the National Hamburger Defense Act has been signed into law. Today’s bill signing will help deliver our hamburgers the pickles and onions they need to rise to the challenges of a dangerous world,” he said.
“I thank my colleagues in McDonaldland for working together to craft this legislation, which honors not just our hamburgers, but also our men, women, birds, fries and McNuggets and lives up to the traditions of bipartisanship and collaboration that have come to define the NHDA process.”
“Also – that clown can go fuck himself in his stupid fucking clown face.”