An Idiot's Guide to Using "lol" and Other "Laugh Out Loud" Variations

Example Example Use Target Audience
lol Let's get married lol Anyone
LOL Let's get married LOL Anyone over 50
{SENTENCE} + lol Are you really going to wear that dress to my wedding lol Anyone you're casually insulting
lollll Sanctuary cities are just havens for MS-13 members lollll White men on SeekingArrangement
lool lool that is so funny Your boss, when they say something even slightly resembling a joke on the days leading up to your performance review
lol okay lol okay. That's pretty funny. Anyway, can we talk about that raise? Your boss, when they attempt to make a joke after refusing to give you a raise, even though you've been with the company for five years and they only started last June and have already been promoted twice for work you submitted on their behalf
lawl Anita Hill was totally treated fairly and impartially lawl The Senate Judiciary Committee
lolol due process lolol Anyone who uses #BlueLivesMatter without clear irony
lolz School sux lolz but at least my local police department is holding an annual discounted bake sale tomorrow. I heard you can also buy electronics at cheap prices so spread the word! Sexual predators you're attempting to entrap while on-duty as a police officer
Lola Parents be damned, I'm in love with you Lola. And I don't care who knows. They're all fools! Barely alive, sipping their bullshit coffee. Foreign eyes, brimming with daggers; withered hearts, replete with hate. So run away with me, Lola! Far away! Farther than anyone has ever run before, to the edge of the world. And let them come for us. Because I'll be there... waiting to push them off the edge. Just as you'll be there, waiting to fall into my arms once we're free of this madness. A beautiful woman named Lola

NEPTUNUS REX VS. DIMOLA

During World War II, my grandfather served as a Seaman on the USS Chestatee. Unfortunately, he passed away while I was still very young. He — and many others he served with — were severely hurt or killed in action when the gasoline tanker they were serving on struck a mine in the straits south of Balabac Island. I should note that while he was injured very badly in the resulting explosion, he did live for about 50 more years and settled down in suburban New Jersey, where he could often be seen with a cigar that appeared as if it was perpetually in the process of falling out of his mouth.

I don’t know the story of the following court notice, but it’s one of my favorite artifacts of the era, and reminds me of an idyllic day on the ocean filled with young men trying to avoid boredom and the horrors of war.

The following notice was written by Davey Jones on January 30th, 1945. For pictures of the actual document, scroll to the bottom of this post. Please contact me first for permission if you plan to use the attached images.


USS CHESTATEE ON ENTERING
DOMAIN OF NEPTUNUS REX — NOTICE
AND LISTEN YE LANDLUBBER

////

I ORDER AND COMMAND YOU TO APPEAR BEFORE ME AND MY COURT ON THE MORROW TO BE INITIATED IN THE MYSTERIES OF MY EMPIRE. IF NOT, YOU SHALL BE GIVEN AS FOOD FOR SHARKS, WHALES, POLLYWOGS FROGS AND ALL LIVING THINGS OF THE SEA WHO WILL DEVOUR YOU, HEAD, BODY, AND SOUL AS A WARNING TO LANDLUBBERS ENTERING MY DOMAIN WITHOUT WARRANT.

YOU ARE CHARGED WITH THE FOLLOWING OFFENSES:

  1. BEING ALIVE — GUILTY

  2. EVADING ROYAL BARBER — GUILTY

  3. DISRESPECT TO COURT — GUILTY

  4. BANGING EARS WITH SKIPPER — GUILTY

  5. HAS MORE HAIR ON FACE THAN HEAD — GUILTY

  6. WEARS COXSWAIN’S CROW ON LIBERTY BLUES REVOLTING IN OPINION OF COURT — GUILTY

  7. BEING A SACK MERCHANT — GUILTY

THEREFORE: APPEAR AND OBEY OR SUFFER THE PENALTY.

DAVEY JONES
SECRETARY TO HIS MAJESTY
30 JAN 1945


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