Letters of recommendation for myself that I wrote myself

I wrote the following letters of recommendation for myself earlier this year.

The letters go into great detail about how much integrity I have, largely inferring that I’m the type of person that would never forge my own letters of recommendation*. Enjoy.


Letter 1:

Dear Members of the Board,

This letter of recommendation is for Andrew DiMola’s rental application for $ADDRESS.

While I have not lived with Andrew, he has been a close, personal friend of mine for over ten years. Because I have been so close with Andrew for so many of these years, I have been to many of his apartments and have met many of his roommates. The reason I bring this up is that I think you can tell a lot about a person by the company he keeps. And his former roommates, many of whom are close friends of mine to this day, are smart, friendly, and, for lack of a better word, kind. I think that Andrew attracts these types of roommates because he himself has these qualities, and because, above all, he has great judgment.

I can honestly say that Andrew would be a great asset in your community, and if you have any questions, or if you would like to speak with me more, please do not hesitate to reach out at $EMAIL.

Sincerely,

$FRIEND


Letter 2:

Dear Board Members,

I am writing this letter in support of Andrew DiMola’s application to rent an apartment at $ADDRESS.

I have known Andrew as a friend for over 20 years, since we were both in Kindergarten. I have also had the pleasure of living with Andrew for a year, in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, from 2015-2016: I was his first roommate in New York City, after he moved back to the area from Pennsylvania.

Having heard stories about living with friends, I was worried that our friendship would be at risk. Luckily, that was not the case, for Andrew possesses great integrity, compassion, and responsibility.

During our time together as roommates, I was pleasantly surprised with how clean he kept not only his room, but also our shared kitchen and bathroom. In my opinion, a good roommate is somebody that keeps the apartment clean; a great roommate is somebody that you can talk to, somebody that you can talk with, that you can lean on during trying times. In that regard, Andrew was a great roommate, and I wholly recommend him as a tenant, and friend, in your building.

Sincerely,

$FRIEND


* I did get permission from both people involved before I sent the letters, so, for future employers, I’d like to convey that I’m not a complete villain.

Ronald McDonald Signs Mayor McCheese Defense Measure, Doesn't Thank Mayor McCheese

 McCheese was first elected in 1970 and has been serving as mayor of McDonaldland for over 45 years

McCheese was first elected in 1970 and has been serving as mayor of McDonaldland for over 45 years

On Monday, Chief Happiness Officer Ronald McDonald thanked what could only be described as a laundry list of public officials and residents of McDonaldland involved in passing the Mayor McCheese National Hamburger Defense Act (NHDA) at a signing ceremony near the Great Filet-O-Fish Lake. Though, there was one major name left off of the list: the hamburger for whom the bill is named.

"We would not be here for today's signing ceremony without the dedicated efforts without the dedicated officials of McDonaldland who worked so hard to pass the National Hamburger Defense Act," McDonald said, thanking by name notable residents and officials such as Birdie the Early Bird and Officer Big Mac and – to much dismay – the Hamburglar.

Mr. McDonald, who is not a hamburger and has no experience being served on a grill, had previously attacked Mayor McCheese, calling the cheese-laden beef patty “barely a hamburger” at a press conference earlier last year, where he said, “Look. I don’t say this to be mean, but the mayor is barely a hamburger. He’s certainly not a McDouble. A real McDouble has two patties. The mayor is only a McCheese because one of his beef patties was captured."

Mr. McCheese, meanwhile, issued a statement on the bill.

“I’m very proud that the National Hamburger Defense Act has been signed into law. Today’s bill signing will help deliver our hamburgers the pickles and onions they need to rise to the challenges of a dangerous world,” he said.

“I thank my colleagues in McDonaldland for working together to craft this legislation, which honors not just our hamburgers, but also our men, women, birds, fries and McNuggets and lives up to the traditions of bipartisanship and collaboration that have come to define the NHDA process.”

“Also – that clown can go fuck himself in his stupid fucking clown face.”